Tips to Improve Communication With Your Ex
Co-parenting under a child custody agreement after a divorce isn’t easy, no matter how well-intentioned everyone is. Emotions run high, schedules change, and even small misunderstandings can turn into big headaches. But here’s the good news: improving communication with your ex doesn’t require perfection. It just requires a plan.
Below are practical, easy-to-use tips that help you lower tension, stay organized, and keep the focus where it belongs—on your kids and your peace of mind.
Keep conversations short and focused
Stay on track. When you keep conversations limited to one topic—usually the kids—you reduce the chance of arguments or emotional spirals. Before sending a message, ask yourself: Is this necessary? Is this about the kids?
If the answer is “no,” it probably doesn’t need to be said.
Use clear, simple language
Avoid long explanations or anything that can be “read between the lines.” Use short sentences and stick to the facts:
* “Pick-up is at 5 p.m.”
* “Doctor’s appointment is on Tuesday.”
* “School emailed this update today.”
Clarity creates fewer opportunities for conflict.
Choose the right communication method
Not every conversation deserves a phone call. In fact, many work better over text or email because you can stay calm, think through your words, and keep a written record.
Try this:
* Use text or a co-parenting app for quick updates.
* Use email for longer or more sensitive topics.
* Use phone calls only when absolutely necessary—usually emergencies or urgent schedule changes.
When you match the communication method to the situation, you avoid misunderstandings and reduce stress.
Set boundaries (and stick to them)
Healthy boundaries keep communication predictable. Start by deciding:
* What hours you’re willing to take calls or respond to messages
* Which topics are off-limits
* How quickly you’ll respond to general, non-emergency questions
Then communicate those boundaries simply and calmly.
Example: “I’ll respond to messages between 8 a.m. and 6 p.m. unless it’s an emergency with the kids.”
Boundaries aren’t about controlling your ex—they’re about protecting your peace.
Keep emotions out of it
Easier said than done, right? But staying calm is one of the most powerful tools you have. If a message triggers you, don’t fire back right away. Step away, breathe, and respond when you’re neutral again.
A good rule:
Write it mad, delete it calm.
Remember, every message you send becomes part of the long-term co-parenting pattern. Choose the pattern you want.
Use the “business tone” trick
Treat communication like you’re emailing a coworker you don’t know well. Be polite, brief, and professional.
This approach:
* Reduces emotional reactions
* Keeps the conversation respectful
* Helps you stay focused on solutions instead of old arguments
Your tone sets the tone.
Document everything important
Keep a record of schedules, changes, agreements, and important conversations. A shared calendar or co-parenting app helps avoid confusion and protects you if disputes arise.
Documentation turns “I think you said…” into “Here’s what we agreed to.”
Put the kids first, always
When communication gets hard, use this filter:
What’s best for the kids right now?
That mindset shifts conversations away from blame or frustration and back toward cooperation. Even small changes—like giving a quick heads-up about a school event or sending a polite reminder—go a long way in building trust.
Know when to get help
If communication feels impossible or conflicts keep escalating, you’re not alone. Many parents benefit from:
* Parenting coordinators
* Co-parenting counseling
* Mediation
* Legal guidance on communication boundaries
Sometimes having a neutral third party can make communication smoother and more predictable.
Better Co-Parenting is Possible!
Improving communication with your ex won’t happen overnight, but small, consistent steps can create calmer conversations, smoother schedules, and less stress for you and your kids. You deserve a co-parenting relationship that feels manageable—not draining.
If you ever feel stuck or unsure how to handle ongoing communication issues, our family law team is here to help you protect your peace and move forward with confidence.
Contact Smith Legal Group at 702-410-5001 to schedule a free consultation at our Henderson, NV office.
Disclaimer: The information in this blog post is provided for general informational purposes only, and may not reflect the current law in your jurisdiction. No information contained in this blog post should be construed as legal advice. No reader of this post should act or refrain from acting on the basis of any information included in this blog post without seeking the appropriate legal or other professional advice on the particular facts and circumstances at issue.